Post Purpose Driven Life

This time last week I was counting down the days to the end of the PDL book we were studying in church as I felt that my brain really couldn’t take any more intensive radical change!! It is amazing how that week has already faded from my memory. Is it me or do you have to look in your diary to remember what you were doing say last Tuesday? It just proves the point that I need to do a purpose driven plan and pray that God would give me wisdom and obedience to listen to how he wants me to change.

One of the great delights about blogging is that I have got to know more about people including those I didn’t previously know. I find this a huge source of encouragement particularly if I am struggling if Daniel is unwell. He is unwell at the moment and back on oxygen during the day. He is just under the weather, but sometimes the responsibility of looking after one so poorly is pretty awesome. Even though today was an emotional rollercoaster God still gave me a sense of joy. I even ended up bopping to some lively choruses using Daniel’s feeding tube as my improvised microphone. He wasn’t too poorly to appreciate my performance!

Reflecting back on the 40 days, I just pray that we all can remember the lessons that God has given us and remain “in him.”

40 Days of Purpose - Day 40

Living with Purpose

Well, here it is the PDL 40 days finale… I never imagined when I started reading this book quite the impact it would have on me. I don’t think that I could have realised quite how practical the PDL book is and for me, apart from the Bible, it has been the most influential book I have ever read.

There have been many issues with which I have struggled since becoming a Christian, which have now been revealed to me. Knowing the 5 purposes that God has for me helps in prioritising my life as God would have me do. I find it amazing that you can plod through the Christian life (believe me I was a bit of an expert…) without really focussing on what is important to God.

When I thought about sharing my views on each chapter I had no way of anticipating how helpful that is going to be for me to grow. I can now collate each diary entry and make a purpose statement along with doing a spiritual audit of my life. God has given me the boldness to look at myself and realise that he has given me much more than I was ever prepared to accept. I have had to acknowledge many things which I wish were different (or I could handle them differently…) Through acknowledgement comes the desire to change according to God’s purposes which is according to his will.

Ultimately I have been blessed by this book, as I have a greater understanding of what God has in store for me. I know I need to play my part but I am overjoyed that I can come closer to God. The past 40 days have not been easy but I have a realisation of the person who God wants me to be and I have experienced a closeness that is precious and which I had not felt. I believe the 40 Days of Purpose has helped me understand what I need to do on earth to glorify God and has given me a practical blueprint to keep on track.

Thank you for sharing my journey. Wishing you a very Happy Easter.

Sarah

News on Daniel

Praise

Yesterday we went to Great Ormond Street Hospital to see the gastro team for follow up to Daniel’s surgery in December. I am pleased to tell you that at the moment, Daniel does not need to have this surgery repeated. It is hard to tell whether the tissue in his wound will need to have the same operation at a later stage. At one point, a medical professional was pretty convinced. I suspect it is unlikely but do not want to take this for granted.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us.

Prayer

Daniel is still being fed through his stomach as he is aversive to eating orally. This remains from his persistent vomiting and also his early experiences of being ventilated. I am unable to feed him solids although I have to keep trying to make mealtimes fun for him. This is a huge challenge and I would be grateful for your prayers on this.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 39

Balancing your life

I just think of how many secular lifestyle magazines try to tell us what we need to do to maximise what we get out of life. Only this week someone said that I looked like I suffer from “Hurried Woman Syndrome” (I think that they meant harassed…) It seems like we try to squeeze every last drop out of life. Today’s chapter of the PDL just highlighted how we have got that all wrong. We need to be balanced with the 5 purposes that God has for us.

Initially, I became rather daunted at the prospect, as some of God’s purposes are easier to fulfil than others (the thought of failure my bête noir came flooding back). However, it is being honest with God about those areas of weakness and allowing him to reveal His strength through us. One of the things that has stayed with me about this book is how very practical it is. This is probably why I feel so challenged because it is stirring me to take action when I would prefer to remain in my comfort zone.

God knows where we are on our journey with Him and does not expect us to be “balanced” overnight. I think that the scriptual journals for self-evaluation are a good idea so that we do not get underdeveloped in any of the purposes that God has for us. I had not thought that in our problems God uses them to allow all 5 purposes to be fulfilled. It gives me great comfort but also an awareness that I only see a fraction of God’s plan for me. When problems arise it will be easy to see where some of God’s purposes will be completed but not necessarily the others. Even if I do not know how God will use these circumstances for His glory, I am to trust and pray for the 5 purposes to be achieved. I believe I need to be more open to Him for God to show me how this is to be done but also for me to be obedient to Him. I wonder how I could have been a Christian for the past 20 years without knowing this.

Well, tomorrow is the last day for the PDL. There has been so much in this book I wonder how I will be able to tie up all the loose ends!!!

40 Days of purpose - Day 38

Becoming a World Class Christian

Another challenging chapter. I confess to being a worldly Christian as I do not focus on Mission enough. At the moment, I am not in a position to go to other countries but this does not let me off the hook trying to extend God’s kingdom on earth. I will pray that I will use all the opportunities to try to reach people that God has put in my path. How very easy that sounds.

Today, I went to Liverpool Station and was waiting outside Boots. A very old man shuffled along in front of me and marvelled at Daniel sleeping. We chatted like old friends and then the man was on his way before I could even acknowledge that God had placed him there. When he walked away I felt that I had missed an important opportunity. We had only spoken for a matter of moments, how could I realistically have brought him one step closer to God? Knowing how I had “fluffed it” I just prayed that this man would come to know Jesus. To say I felt inadequate is a huge understatement. However, I will be more aware next time and even if I am unable to find something appropriate to say that I will pray for that person. It would be very easy to feel discouraged after today’s experience but I keep thinking about the term witness. A person who describes how God has worked in their life. I wonder how we can do that unless we are able to relate our experience to the unbeliever’s situation. This takes time and experience. I know that God will recognise the effort I am making even if the results are lacklustre to say the least.

Daniel off oxygen since Wednesday - this is him yesterday. What a cutie... 

40 Days of Purpose - Day 37

Sharing your life message

As a structured person, I prefer to be prepared for things as I find it easier to “ad lib” if I have a plan that I can add to rather than be totally spontaneous. If I don’t have a script I might just forget something pretty essential (believe me that’s happened). I was so encouraged when I read today’s chapter of the Purpose Driven Life because I had never thought of writing my testimony down in such a way. Often the simplest ideas are the most effective.

I think that by having a written testimony it will remind me how gracious and faithful God has been throughout my life. It is always something that I can add to. How many times, do I forget just how much God has done for me in my life? I do feel that there are many lessons in my life that I have chosen to obliterate rather than focus on God’s grace and mercy. One of the biggest challenges is that believers would ask how God has worked in my life since my conversion and I didn’t feel that there was anything that I could say as I wasn’t a very good Christian. I believe the Father of lies used this to prevent me from fulfilling this purpose and bind me with chains of fear and insecurity. I am now free from these chains. The PDL is a very practical book and I am pleased that this will be a tool, which will encourage growth for God to use me.

Having a child like Daniel gives other people the opportunity to view your life and how they believe you are coping. God has put a number of christians in my path at times when I most needed it and I have been able to tell them of my walk with Him during times of pain and suffering. Whilst this has not been reaching out to the unchurched, it has given me the opportunity for me to discuss my faith and gain in confidence. Well, nobody I know has had to go through exactly the same circumstances as me so I feel I can comment on how God has met with me since Daniel’s birth. I used to find it difficult to talk about my faith due to feelings of inadequacy but now find it easier (definitely not something, which comes naturally, something which I will have to learn). I am just thinking of when playing a musical instrument and how to be able to play it to it’s full potential you have to practice regularly. Perseverance allows you come to the point where you are able to make beautiful music and other people are able to appreciate and enjoy what you have given them. God is my conductor and I want to play the most gorgeous symphony to glorify him. When others hear this music I would want them to look for their conductor and know that he has the most joyful melody for them.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 36

Made for a Mission

I have always shied away from evangelism. Very shocking but very true. Now that I am more confident in my faith, it is not so daunting as previously, but still presents a huge challenge to me. I feel that my Christian life can be divided into 3 parts:

When I became a Christian
Life before Daniel
Life after Daniel

For the first two parts of my life I occasionally mentioned my faith but due to enormous insecurity (there were better Christians, I didn’t know my bible well enough, I wasn’t sure how God was working in my life, fear of rejection the list could go on and on…) I was not open to opportunities to share my faith. I am pleased to say that recently I have become more positive due to the realisation of how much that Jesus loves me and I want to share this with others. Now that I have Daniel I come into contact with many people I do not know and I am aware that I have the opportunity to be bold at times. God has been very gracious and has answered much prayer for us as a family. At the moment, I am gingerly dipping my toe into the water of evangelism but long for the day when I am able to eagerly take the plunge by shouting about my relationship with Jesus from the rooftops. I have often wanted to be used by Jesus but overlooked the fact that I need to care about what he cares about extending his kingdom.

I found this morning’s service very challenging but so positive and well worth getting the tape if you were not able to come. Tony was talking about the definition of evangelism as being bringing someone one step closer to knowing God. We cannot know with any surety how far someone is from knowing the Lord but we can bring them further to him. When we plant a seed we do not know how well watered it will be and the special conditions that are needed for its growth. God does and he creates opportunities for us to meet a particular need even if we are not aware of it. Tony clarified the word witness as being an explanation of faith, rather than selling or defending Jesus. I have found this so helpful and really wish to apply this.

I have bought 2 of the Case for Easter books and know who I will send one onto. The other God has not yet revealed to me and I will pray that I would be bold enough to give this as a present.
Only another 4 days of the Purpose Driven Life left. What will I do then? I will be putting together an Action Plan as a result of the things that I have learned from this book and pray for change.

40 Days of purpose - Day 35

God’s power in your weakness

If ever there was a chapter with my name on it, this is it!! It has helped that the word weakness is described as "any limitation that you inherited or have no power to change". That sums up the situation with Daniel nicely. However, it is a struggle to be content with the problems associated with Daniel’s health. When I first had Daniel I accepted that he had Downs Syndrome it was all the additional medical problems that were diagnosed that I felt were harder to deal with (the feeding problems, the problems vomiting all the time, breathing problems and needing oxygen and the high blood pressure in his lungs. I have never met anyone who has been in my situation and I have spent a lot of time looking!! I have learnt over time; however, to accept that this is God’s will for us as a family. Whilst I do not understand the reasons for many things I recognise that God can and does great things when we are weak. Our attitude needs to be one of openness and belief that God will use our situation for his glory.

Before I had Daniel I did not rely on God but did a lot of things in my own strength. I found it really hard to let God into many areas of my life due to my closet control freak tendencies. Now I have really learnt how to rely upon God. This is extremely difficult when you love someone and do not want them to suffer or be hurt. However, I believe that no pain is wasted and during these times of intense pain we allow God to get close enough to us so we can hear him whisper to us. I was talking to a friend today and I was thinking about how life was before Daniel. I can look back on this time and recognise how unhappy I was as I limited my availability to God. I took for granted the good things and was miserable about a lot less… Through many of the experiences since Daniel’s birth God has blessed us and I feel much more positive as I have a closer relationship with God now. I just wonder why I waited so long. I believe that God had to take me to a place where I needed to rediscover him in a powerful and tangible way before I could be an effective disciple of his. Isn’t it good to know that God does not give up on us ever.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 34

Thinking like a servant

I am still dancing inside. I had the opportunity today to explain to a non-believer why I feel joyful irrespective of my circumstances. OK so they thought I was nuts and I made a real hash of describing unconditional love but at least I tried. Thinking about a Servant’s heart in today’s chapter of PDL I was gladdened to be reminded that it is our attitude and not our achievements that matter to God. This goes completely against what our world would have us believe. Think of all those targets and accountability particularly in the world of work. I think it is easy to feel that we are not able to do something rather than seeing a need and asking God for all that we need to minister into a situation. Equally because we may be fledgling servants and are not practised in the art of serving, we may be clumsy but God can still use us anyway.

What spoke to me most today is the definition of “losing your life” as focusing on other people’s needs by forgetting our own. This is a big challenge to me. Sometimes I am completely wrapped up in the world of Daniel and what he needs that I do not allow myself the opportunity to focus on others. When I get to church I try to picture a suitcase (my baggage of life) and leave it in reception so that I can be open to God and coming alongside others in the congregation. That’s my aim but many times the reality is different. It isn’t as if there are many needs within our fellowship. I have just allowed myself to slip into a bad habit spiritually which with discipline, much prayer and the grace of God can be conquered.

The other issue for me about being a servant is establishing your identity in Jesus. As a naturally insecure person I have often wasted much time in worrying about how I come across to others. This is something, which I have to really try hard not to give into but I know that it is my relationship with God that matters. I have always tried (probably too hard) to meet expectations of others which has held me back and suffocated me with trying to live up to their ideals. As it is God that I am serving I know that he loves me and nothing that I do can separate me from his love. It has been a long journey but I now accept myself as being unique and a hand picked creation from God. So in terms of service, I do not now need the constant reassurance and can be confident that whatever I do in Jesus name is all he asks from me.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 33

How real servants act

Today I feel excited and inwardly am dancing… Reading this chapter has reassured me that I can come before the Lord as I am and still serve him. It is my attitude, which is more important than my abilities, which you may know I am struggling to locate. If you find them please return them to this careless owner(!!)

At Lifegroup this evening we had a very interesting time and played a game that you too can play at home. One of the questions at tonight’s study was about taking a minute to write down some of your gifts and talents. The general consensus of opinion was that individually this would be too difficult and that perhaps those that know us well could comment for us. So we all had a piece of paper with our name on it and people within the group wrote what they thought our gifts and talents are. Just before going home we received our answers. Well, I have laughed and laughed until I cried when I saw one of the comments on my paper. It said "loves to be loud!!" Kevin my Husband agreed and thought this was a very perceptive observation. However, it was only when I went into another room with more light that I could fully understand what was written "loves the Lord." Phew! This has got me thinking about how we can misunderstand (and get misunderstood) so easily and it is only when we allow God’s light to shine on us and in our life that his will for us becomes clearer.

Thinking back to the heart of a servant, the biggest challenge I believe I face is time. Some days Daniel has back to back appointments with various specialists or professionals so eating for me can become optional. This does not exempt me from being able to serve but does limit the opportunities from my perspective but not God’s. Have you ever noticed that when you feel that you don’t want to go to church or something that you may have committed to that your being there can and does help others? Again and again I have been reminded of this. We sometimes can make a difference just by being there and being responsive to God. Whilst it is not much to give it can be hugely significant.

Points for Celebration

Thank you to all of you who regularly pray for Daniel. Your prayers are highly valued. Just a little update on how things are at the moment.

1. 
   Daniel has today come off oxygen during the day. He has been on it for the last 43 days!! His little face is free from tubes and he is no longer like a dog on a lead when he is trying to crawl.
2. 
   It appears that the infection on Daniel’s tummy has disappeared. I will know more about whether he will need his operation repeated at our visit to Great Ormond Street on Tuesday, 22nd March.
3. 
   Daniel can sit up unaided for about 2 minutes. This is a huge achievement for him.
4. 
   Despite a couple of bad days recently God is giving me the strength to meet Daniel’s complex medical needs. There were times when I couldn’t find the strength to put one foot in front of another.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 32

Using what God gave you


No matter how many times I read this chapter I find it difficult to identify my "shape". There are times when I wish there was a spiritual mirror given to me so I could see my abilities. At this time, I feel stuck in a map where the "you are here" sign shows but not much else. Never mind. I guess really I just need to try new things to discover what comes more naturally and what doesn’t. Easy to say, much harder in practice. One of the things which has spoken to me throughout the PDL is openness to God. By allowing Him greater space he can just do more in my life. It is unlearning the habit of being in my spiritual comfort zone and trusting God to encourage me to use my gifting (when I’ve found it…) One of my past struggles has been that I am not good/holy/clever enough (or all three) which has meant that I have made "safe" choices to serve. Since Daniel has been born there are different opportunities for me to share how God has blessed us and I need to pray through the implications of these.

A good friend and I are going to be honest with each other about how we perceive the other is gifted. Scary new territory… Earlier this month to see whether I had a particular ability, I wrote to someone I had never met for some advice. I know this sounds cringeworthy but I honestly felt that God was telling me to do this. Although my letter has not been responded to, and I felt sick with nerves, I have at least obeyed God on this. If anything comes of this letter I’ll let you know.

One of the biggest barriers for me to being a maturer Christian is the amount of time that I give to God. This is a very real issue when it comes to service and definitely when it comes to a spiritual journal. I have decided to keep my diary about the PDL so that I could refer to it and remind myself of the key points. Sometimes I have reread what I have written later on and it has encouraged me by showing me things that God is revealing to me. Knowing that you are reading this is an encouragement too – so thank you.

Daniel commentating on life... 

40 Days of Purpose - Day 31

Understanding your Shape

I don’t know why but I am finding this chapter difficult. It may be that today I had a difficult and draining afternoon. The only “good “ time for me to blog is late at night or in the wee small hours in the morning. Unfortunately, my brain works on solar power so things seem foggy.

At the moment I feel that I have a number of abilities which remain dormant. I think that this has something to do with rediscovering my identity following Daniel’s birth. So how can I contribute to the Church for God’s glory? I find that hard to answer but know that if I open myself to God he will give me different opportunities. Today I queued up at Ottakers to get Jacqueline Wilson to sign a book (no I’m not a fan but my Niece is). She personalised the book and I began to think about the Bible. How would God personalise it for me? Would there be any words of encouragement or direction to help me understand its application in my life? Instead of giving us a spiritual report with best subjects and must try harder… God allows us to grow so that we can develop our gifting.

I do feel that God has given me a variety of experiences but it is hard to know how I can use them other than look and pray for opportunities. As I know that God wanted me to be Daniel’s Mum and all that goes with looking after his complex needs, I know that this is where God wants me to be. I find it so reassuring and an extent of God’s love for us that he does not allow any hurt to be wasted. We can use it all for his glory it’s just a case of trusting God on how to channel this. I believe that having Daniel will be an opportunity to share my faith with others (this is not something that comes easily). Equally, as a family we have to face ongoing painful realities so understanding intense hurt is more real to me now. I hope that I can use this for God’s glory.

These 40 days of purpose have taught me many things and I pray that I would take hold of these lessons and apply them. Thank you for sharing my world…

40 Days of Purpose - Day 30

Shaped for Serving God

Spiritual Gifts

Heart (passion)

Abilities

Personality

Experience


I am finding this bit really exciting although a bit nerve racking. I have always been a typical “c” grade student (this is probably going back some now) but at that time it was average. So feeling that service stemmed from what you were good at I took a huge backwards step as I couldn’t identify anything (aahh!!) One of the themes that is recurrent in the PDL book is how much God loves us and how much love he has put into shaping his creations.

I hadn’t thought about cheating others by not using my spiritual gifts and am reminded of my responsibility. At the time of writing I struggle to identify these and which has allowed me to be stuck in a rut. God has given me bags of experience and it is exciting to think that I can use these for His glory. Knowing that God doesn’t waste anything is hugely encouraging. Since Daniel’s birth it has been a little difficult to rediscover my identity as a lot of my time is taken up with caring for him. I recognise that this is an opportunity for service but the purpose behind it has not been revealed to me yet.

My biggest prayer would be for me to have a servant heart. I want to be a gofer for God!!

40 Days of Purpose - Day 29

Accepting your Assignment

Another chapter, another day where I think, I never knew that… I’ll come clean and admit that I thought ministry had to be something for those who know what their spiritual gifts are and feel called to do like helping with youth work etc (normally something quite prestigious). Now that I am aware that service=ministry I realise it is not something that is out of my grasp and that any little thing done for others is serving God and is ministry. This really encourages me.
As a Christian, I have previously felt that I was not on the same level (in terms of maturity) as others within the fellowship, which I now know not to be true. I found that I easily discouraged myself as others made things look so easy and what could I contribute in comparison? However, what this meant in terms of service was that I did not feel confident enough to do things as there was always going to be somebody else who could do them better and probably more graciously. What a self-imposed barrier! At last I am confident of who I am in the Lord and know that even if I do something shakily at least I am doing it for Him. I don’t have to be perfect just willing.
Thinking about ministry is a challenge as what can I offer? It is also where I need to open up to God totally and ask how he wants me to help. I liked the description of strengthening our spiritual muscles. Daniel has poor muscle tone and needs much input to achieve what for other children is ordinary. Bless him, he has to work much harder than other children to achieve the same results but he does get there even if it is slower. The advice that I have been given for Daniel is to help him little and often and this is something which I now feel applies to my ministry. I now feel that I need to do more to hone my muscles and am pleased that I do not have to do something up front but can equally serve God behind the scenes. What does this mean for our fellowship? It means having a serving heart and being aware of ways in which I can contribute. My biggest challenge now is to commit to something but with Daniel’s health I do not want to be unreliable but not use this as an excuse for not being involved.
I am glad that God wants me at Elim and that there is a role for me. Something to discover…

40 Days of Purpose - Day 28

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It takes time

This feels very disjointed as Daniel has interrupted me several times so apologies if I make less sense than usual…

Thinking about the growth to become more like Jesus can be a daunting prospect. God does not have unrealistic expectations and he knows us so well so he knows which areas need urgent attention and which require ongoing work. However, as His children we often do not recognise the areas in which we need to grow nor the extent (probably as well, think how discouraging that could be!!)

If spiritual maturity came easy and did not require much effort would we stay the course? Some of our deepest habits are like stains, which require repeated application of stain remover for us to become clean. These are often the most painful lessons but the most valuable for we are bound to remember these experiences and what we learnt from them.

Just by recording my thoughts during these 40 days has given me the opportunity to recognise areas in which God has helped me grow. This has been very encouraging as I can see tiny shoots of growth. This journey has also helped me become more aware of future challenges but I am more confident of facing these together with God. Amazingly I can think of another Bible verse (that’s 3 in 3 days so that’s nearly my sum knowledge…)

Psalm 27 v 13 –14

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

40 Days of Purpose - Day 27

Defeating Temptation

I am really happy to have read this chapter as I hadn’t realised just how often I am tempted. I kind of get stuck with thought apathy where it is just too much bother for me to refocus on something pure or godly so I just give in to my sinful nature. Whilst there is nothing specific that is a significant temptation for me on a daily basis, I can give in to thoughts of self-pity, being distracted away from God, or being impatient to name but a few. Sometimes I can just drift and realise at the end of the day I have not even thought about God’s will let alone be open to what He may wish for me to do that day. Whilst I know that God is all powerful I find myself hoping at times that he will look the other way when I just lose my temper, am ungracious with others or selfish with my time. Like a child doing something sneakily that they know is wrong and just want to get away with!!

Enough of the problem…Like in all areas of our life, God does not give up on us no matter how many times we may give in to temptation. The fact that he always gives us a way out as well as giving us sufficient resources through Him to conquer any level of temptation is just so inspiring. I feel elated that no matter what God gives us the strength to overcome temptation I just wonder why I didn’t think to ask him more often… Philippians 4 v 13 springs to mind:

“I can do anything through him that gives me strength”.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 26

Growing through Temptation

I hadn’t really thought that much about temptation. I am one of those people who suffer from no will power and plenty of determination to do things my way (what a godly combination)! So doing the wrong thing just comes naturally. Despite these inherent character traits I am thinking about how God has helped me through the Purpose Driven Life study book. I am often tempted to do something, which gives a quick result rather than taking time out to focus on Jesus. My prayer life can resemble something between Supermarket Sweep and Ready Steady Cook (with a much shorter timescale…)

Each day as I blog it is an enormous struggle. I am tempted not to bother as it all takes too much effort and I have to think about what I have read. Sometimes I need to reread chapters because I don’t think that I can say anything new and I don’t have a photographic memory. Nonetheless, I am learning obedience and patience. It is good to know that even though I am finding it difficult to resist temptation God can help me to mature. Each day I look to see who has blogged and pray for these needs so am increasing my time with the Lord in prayer. No wonder I am tempted to do anything else because without doing these things I would not be growing and that would not glorify God. Sounds simple but ultimately is a struggle. I am just reminded how God does not waste any experience so even if I don’t know why it is happening I know God can use it for his glory.

Romans 8 V 28

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who lov him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Daniel learning to blog on his laptop yesterday 

Daniel Update

Points of celebration

1. Bless him, Daniel is still on oxygen during the day but it is coming down – good news.
2. He has had a hearing test, which is on the whole good but has some fluid in his left ear so will be retested.
3. Daniel is very nearly crawling (quite difficult when he has all the oxygen tubing to contend with…) and his muscle tone is strengthening.
4. He cut his first tooth today, 9th March.
5. Daniel has feeding difficulties but is learning to take solids.
6. He is such a happy child.

Prayer Requests

1. Unfortunately, Daniel has an infection in his wound from his stomach operation in December. Please pray that this would heal totally.
2. There is some medical debate about whether Daniel needs his stomach operation repeated. He has a consultant’s appointment at Great Ormond Street on 22nd March, which could determine whether an operation is necessary.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 25

Transformed By Trouble

I find it immensely comforting to know that God has a purpose behind each problem.
We serve a God who will not let us suffer needlessly. I suppose it is a spiritual "no pain no gain…" but what can be difficult is that whilst experiencing trouble at whatever level we do not know how God will enable us to grow. So it is trusting the Lord knowing that he will meet our needs even in our darkest hours.
One of the things that I really detested when Daniel was first born and it was apparent that our lives were going to be completely different to other new parents was Romans 8 V 28. I had it quoted at me left right and centre. So I am really pleased to rediscover this verse in this chapter and be reminded that whatever the depth of our problems what God has intended is much greater. I can remember one sermon where the theme was how God could bring order out of chaos. It became easier for me to deal with my circumstances once I realised that God had chosen me to be Daniel’s Mother. I haven’t always thanked him for it but know that this is his will for my life. So whenever there is a new development which I struggle with I accept that God has allowed that for a reason (even if I don’t know what it is…) I can now rejoice in my Saviour despite my circumstances. This has been a painful lesson to learn and is one that will need to be learnt again and again. I have found that I now enjoy an intimacy with God which I previously never experienced as I did not rely upon Him enough. A lot has changed since Daniel’s birth.

Under a Cloud

Today I am writing this with a heavy heart as I have had the news that a close friend of mine who is 33 had been diagnosed with colon cancer. My friend is not a believer and neither is his family. A detailed prognosis will be given in the next 2 weeks. Although I’m struggling to focus on anything I am determined to continue with PDL

40 Days of Purpose - Day 24

Transformed by Truth

When I first read todays chapter I felt really embarrassed as my retention of biblical verses is sketchy. Thinking about it, I don’t even think I could quote 20 Bible verses (only one for each year as a Believer!!) However, I have been challenged recently to reading the Bible in a year and so will start once the PDL has finished (please ask me how it is going). I’ll never be able to commit otherwise. I have just had a brainwave (unusual for me) that I need to carry my Bible with me everywhere. There are times when Daniel is admitted to hospital at short notice and sometimes when I am in hospital with him I have more time and less distractions than at home…
One of the other action plans that I am going to complete following completion of this book is to write down all the memory verses and keep them with me. This will help me to focus on the 5 purposes that God has for each of us.
I feel really challenged when reminded that we need to regard the Bible as essential to our life as food. Well, I am a real foodie. If it’s chocolate, I eat it, if it’s sweet I eat it, if I am fed up I eat it and if I am celebrating I eat it. I have decided right now that when I get the munchies particularly late at night that I need spiritual food instead of any other. Hopefully, you’ll see a lot less of me and my biblical knowledge will increase.

Spot the Star! Not Tamzin Outhwaite but Daniel back in December last year. 

40 Days of Purpose - Day 23

How We Grow

I can vouch for the fact that spiritual growth is not automatic. Having been a believer for the past 20 years my ongoing commitment to God has slimmed down not even deliberately. Whilst I thought I was trying to get closer to God unfortunately it became almost like a New Year’s Resolution, this year I will get closer to God. Even though I would pray about it, I would get sidelined by life issues by the second week in January. This would happen annually. God would be testing my commitment to growth and I wouldn’t give the Holy Spirit any room. However, I believe that this has changed – Hallelujah!!

Before I had Daniel I think it is fair to say that I had a rather comfortable life but like a lot of things I did not appreciate it fully until those days were over. Many of you will know that there have been some bleak times and it is only as a result of the sheer level of need that we face as a family that I have been able to come before God totally and give him all of me. Since Daniel’s birth I have been more open to God’s will in my life which has blessed us all as a family. Those of you who saw me in church on Sunday would probably notice something different about me due to the indescribable joy that I experienced opening myself completely to my Lord.

Thinking about growth, I can’t help but think of Daniel. As he has Downs Syndrome he is developmentally delayed. As a parent it disappoints me that he is slower to learn new things. I was thinking that I have delayed learning in my growth as a Christian but unlike Daniel who has no control over this, I can develop if I surrender who I am regularly to the Lord. I imagine it must hurt God that our character traits (stubbornness, pride, insecurity…) can stop us from reaching out to Him desperate to learn. Daniel is only too keen to learn and is rewarded with praise as he is so eager to please. When did we stop having that eagerness to learn? Daniel is dependent upon me but I have to choose to be totally dependent upon God, a real surrendering of will.

What a great God we have.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 22

Created to become like Christ

Throughout the Purpose Driven Life I seem to have forgotten some basic truths. In this chapter, that life is not about me. Somehow I seem to be seduced by what is happening here on earth because it is immediate. The whole area of character development to become like Jesus had lost its intensity.

I like to be organised so that I know what I am doing and find that it minimises stress (and I am all for that...) I am also wondering if my organisational skills mask a desire to keep things safe and control circumstances rather than allowing God into certain situations. Hmmm… definitely something to think about.

Now character development… Well, there are some days when I think that I have more character than I know what to do with through the trials that need to be faced. Unfortunately, I have missed the point and not concentrated upon the fact that it is God’s character, which needs to be developed in me. The more I am resistant to difficult circumstances and do my terrible twos tantrum with God the more I am opposing his change for my character to be more like His. There have been times when I have been so angry with God for the situations that we face as a family that I have not thought about what it is that God is trying to teach me. Whatever happens in life I need to remember that when it is difficult God is pruning me so that I can grow to become more like Him. This is so totally reassuring that whatever we face whether it is painful or not, we can grow if we recognise that this is part of God’s development plan for our lives. How encouraging!

40 Days of Purpose - Day 21

Protecting your Church

I have never thought about this from God’s point of view… Shocking but true. What goes through my mind is the emphasis here, that we all need to protect our church. This is an action and not passive behaviour. So you could say that I have been stirred a little…I am just so aware now of my responsibility before God. I am glad to be reminded that there is no perfect church because there are no perfect people. I come before God today very aware of my shortcomings and know that he has sufficient grace to carry me through.

Today has been difficult. Daniel has tried (and mostly succeeded!!) in preventing me from having any quality time with God. I cannot even find the words to write today but I know that the Holy Spirit intervenes when we do not know what to pray for. In a world which is ever changing I find it hugely comforting that God is the same today as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow.

<40 Days of Purpose - Day 20

Restoring Broken Fellowship

Half way through the Purpose Driven Life today and I am struck by how in every chapter there is something which challenges me. I am finding the journey a little gruelling as I have “discovery sin fatigue…” and now know why ignorance is such bliss!!

Do we have higher expectations of other Christians? Is it more difficult rather than less for us to resolve conflict within Christ’s family? I hang my head with shame when I think back to times of fellowship fallout with other believers. There have been occasions when I know I haven’t involved God in the disagreement. I just imagine sin, which is like a weed with a very strong root. You can try to remove the weed many times but until you dig deep enough and dig the root out the weed will come back quicker than you can imagine. I especially picture this image for the destructiveness when believers are not united about restoring fellowship. There are times for me when I think that I am still 8 or so in my maturity. Instead of taking the initiative as God intends irrespective of whether I have caused the relationship strain or not, I keep saying to God, well they started it!! Then I would bask in my self-righteousness unaware that I am cutting myself off from God by my behaviour.

One of the recurrent themes the PDL book has is that as a Believer I need to change continuously. There have been so many spiritual bad habits I have fallen into. I am thrilled that despite this, Jesus still loves me and doesn’t demand perfection but obedience. All I can say is that my sin alone must have caused Jesus so much pain on the cross and if he can do that for me, I will trust in him to change me to become an effective follower of His.

This week the words from a hymn by Fanny Crosby keep coming to mind:

“The vilest offender who truly believes that moment from Jesus a pardon receives.”

40 Days of Purpose Day 19

Cultivating Community


We are blessed that as believers we have a community (although we may not realise this all the time…) Where would we honestly be without it? I thought back to last year when things were going really badly for us as a family and was reminded of honesty within fellowship.

You’ve heard the saying “smile, things could be worse” only for you to smile and things got worse. Well that was an apt description of my prayer life. Daniel’s problems were getting increasingly worse and the tin lid on it for me was when I was told that he needed oxygen 24 hours a day. Before some smart alec tells me we all do, not everyone has to have it via tubes up their nose and have their own portable oxygen cylinder. To say that I was in a state when I took him home from hospital with all his kit is an absolute understatement. I was asked whether I wanted him to be adopted!! I was full of self-pity and very destructive in my thinking towards God. A close friend had the courage to gently tell me that my thinking wasn’t actually that healthy. That person was particularly brave especially when they had to hear what is wrong with my world continuously (they must have been practising their patience with extremely irritating people!!) At the time, I wasn’t very receptive to what was said to me but it did register. It stopped my attitude spiralling totally into complete unbelief as I can remember being outraged by what was said. To think that this happened under a year ago is a wonderful testimony to God. Back then I would not have felt that I could be so uplifted and am back on track with my journey, knowing God better. The friend could have taken the easy way out but didn’t and was gentle and gracious enough to me for me to rethink my behaviour.

Honesty may not be easy but it is essential. The challenge for me on this is how to be patient with others and not adopt the bull in a china shop approach which is my second nature.

Daniel has a number of care plans I was delighted to see that a comment had been written by the nurse about the fact that our family is supported by our church community. Elim as a community of God’s people has given me significant blessings.

40 Days of Purpose - Day 18

Experiencing Life Together

What a joy that God intends us to share life together. I can honestly say that I have never really appreciated the fullness of the meaning of fellowship until right now(!!) – the sharing of life’s experiences. I know that I am not at a loss for words usually but I am really pondering fellowship within God’s church. In our British culture we are expected to have a “stiff upper lip” and encouraged not to emotionally bleed in public. How many people automatically respond with “fine” if you ask them how they are? How can we gently reach people to show them that it’s ok to open up and that we care passionately about what is happening to them?

One of the barriers to fellowship is the awkwardness of being in need and disclosing the rawness of your feelings. You don’t know how others may view them even if you know the person well that you are sharing with. It takes courage to be honest with your feelings and expressing them can be a real hardship. You are making yourself vulnerable and there is always the danger that you are going to be judged for how you have handled situations. Worse still, you can have scripture quoted to you parrot fashion. This time last year that was how I more or less felt. As each new “problem” with Daniel’s health was uncovered it became harder and harder to reveal the pain. I can honestly say that the faith of my believing friends (and the congregation at Church) helped me enormously. It was those people who did not tell me how to have a spiritual quick fix but listened to the agony of my emotions at the time which proved to be the most helpful. When I couldn’t see God he kept me close to him through the warm and loving touch of his compassionate people. I can remember one day particularly being at St John’s Hospital and being overwhelmed with despair wondering how I could honestly go on. I bumped into a member of the Church who was familiar with my circumstances and she reminded me that when Moses was too tired to hold his hands up, his hands were lifted for him.

God has shown me many things since Daniel’s birth and I do feel blessed by the active fellowship with members of the congregation. I am thrilled to tell you that God has given me increased faith and in some ways it has been a bit of a fast track learning experience (but then again isn’t parenthood anyway?)

I have hit a bit of a writing wall today but anticipate that in the remaining 22 days anyone reading this diary will have a good idea of my hangups and weaknesses. It will be a journey shared including answers to prayer. God has already started to change me as a result of these 40 days (long overdue…) but there are many things I need to confess.

Your comments have been truly valued and have helped me continue this path. Until tomorrow…

Standing (with help)before last hospital admission. Currently a little bit wobbly until he gets stronger. 

40 Days of Purpose - Day 17

A Place to Belong

I think my brain just might burst as it is not used to so much food for thought (!!) Mulling over each daily lesson is a real discipline that is very much out of character for me so thank you to everyone who has encouraged me.

I have been looking at some family photos today and started to think about God’s family. I wonder what would happen if God gave us all our very own photo album. Each album would chronicle our very start as a Christian and our level of involvement in our Church. It would chart when we discovered our gifts and how we used them. It would show how we had developed spiritually and where our areas of growth would be. The pictures inside would show how we interacted with other Christians and how we love others (and how we don’t!!) In most photos those in them are looking at the camera (normally their best side…)and the shot is “staged”. With God we would be learning how to grow as each shot is taken. Unlike now with all the technical wizardry, God’s camera wouldn’t airbrush out any flaws in our Christian life and fellowship with others. God would be the photographer knowing the timing and the content for the best pictures. Sometimes, there may be periods when there is a flurry of photographic activity whereas, other times, there may be nothing to record for a while.

Wouldn’t it be great to see how we had grown but also realise a few home truths too. It would be interesting to see what’s inside for each of us.