40 Days of Purpose - Day 18

Experiencing Life Together

What a joy that God intends us to share life together. I can honestly say that I have never really appreciated the fullness of the meaning of fellowship until right now(!!) – the sharing of life’s experiences. I know that I am not at a loss for words usually but I am really pondering fellowship within God’s church. In our British culture we are expected to have a “stiff upper lip” and encouraged not to emotionally bleed in public. How many people automatically respond with “fine” if you ask them how they are? How can we gently reach people to show them that it’s ok to open up and that we care passionately about what is happening to them?

One of the barriers to fellowship is the awkwardness of being in need and disclosing the rawness of your feelings. You don’t know how others may view them even if you know the person well that you are sharing with. It takes courage to be honest with your feelings and expressing them can be a real hardship. You are making yourself vulnerable and there is always the danger that you are going to be judged for how you have handled situations. Worse still, you can have scripture quoted to you parrot fashion. This time last year that was how I more or less felt. As each new “problem” with Daniel’s health was uncovered it became harder and harder to reveal the pain. I can honestly say that the faith of my believing friends (and the congregation at Church) helped me enormously. It was those people who did not tell me how to have a spiritual quick fix but listened to the agony of my emotions at the time which proved to be the most helpful. When I couldn’t see God he kept me close to him through the warm and loving touch of his compassionate people. I can remember one day particularly being at St John’s Hospital and being overwhelmed with despair wondering how I could honestly go on. I bumped into a member of the Church who was familiar with my circumstances and she reminded me that when Moses was too tired to hold his hands up, his hands were lifted for him.

God has shown me many things since Daniel’s birth and I do feel blessed by the active fellowship with members of the congregation. I am thrilled to tell you that God has given me increased faith and in some ways it has been a bit of a fast track learning experience (but then again isn’t parenthood anyway?)

I have hit a bit of a writing wall today but anticipate that in the remaining 22 days anyone reading this diary will have a good idea of my hangups and weaknesses. It will be a journey shared including answers to prayer. God has already started to change me as a result of these 40 days (long overdue…) but there are many things I need to confess.

Your comments have been truly valued and have helped me continue this path. Until tomorrow…