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40 Days of Purpose - Day 11 & 12

Well, I’m a day behind now with my writing so I have decided to cheat and merge my thoughts. I find it really hard to think about being best friends with God the theme from today’s reading. One of the things that stuck in my mind is being aware that God is always present no matter what we are doing. I often pride myself on being fairly independent by nature and I have the sudden realisation that it is this streak which is putting a barrier between God and I.

Like most people I have a busy life and as God doesn’t demand robotic obedience I am caught up with mere details of how to get the most out of each 24 hours. I can remember one of the sermons at church saying that if we would only give 10% of this time to God we would be spending 2½ hours daily with him (I am lucky if I normally manage 12 minutes…) I feel excited that he wants to spend time with me even when I am doing mundane things. Sometimes, I can fall into the trap of not being ready to talk to God as it doesn’t feel right rather than just coming as I am at the time.

My challenge now is to develop my relationship with God to get to the best friends stage. I see now that often I have gone to God with a burden or praised him for something significant but have not had an ongoing dialogue with him. It seems very simple now that the more I confide in him and give of myself to him, he will be able to use my openness to reveal more about him.

The other issue for me is vulnerability. With best friends you know that they will accept you as you are (as God definitely does) and there is mutual trust. When opening up and revealing places in your heart, which have been heavily guarded, there is a level of intimacy, which can be scary. Some places are being revealed for the first time which can be exciting but also lead to feeling exposed. We can trust God will still love us even when we reveal the very unlovely things about ourselves to him and commit to doing his will. This is awesome.

Again I am reminded that I have chosen how close I have wanted to get to God so I have held him at arms length (it’s safer!!) But now, I am committed to being totally honest with God. When you are totally raw with emotion that is all you can offer. I feel God has wanted to get my attention but he has had to do some very eyecatching things for me to respond. I am also encouraged because this experience is never wasted (so it’s happening for a reason and by God who knows what is in my best interest).

All I know is that I can focus more on God now and pray that I will allow God to speak to me more by giving him greater opportunity over the days, weeks, months and years ahead.