40 Days of Purpose - Day 10

Today, I feel like I have writer’s block, as I can’t say anything any more interesting or original than the next person. The whole issue of surrender to God I find difficult and I was reminded that this isn’t easy as it will often mean doing opposite to what you feel like doing and I like being in my comfort zone. So, I’m going to plough on regardless…

My first image of surrender is the waving of the white flag, country and western style, to avoid being killed (so it’s a matter of self-preservation and only when all is lost). I have to revise this image as surrender to God is just so different. Unlike in Westerns where captors may not be merciful, God truly is. He doesn’t force us to surrender, he encourages us to willingly give ourselves to him as we are. I am really challenged by this as my surrendering tends to be rather hit and miss and definitely not daily : - ( I think back to Jesus on the Cross and his total surrender to God when basically he was feeling daunted and apprehensive of what he needed to do. What a reminder to focus on Jesus rather than anything else. I can now appreciate that surrender is willing submission and I pray that I would give God control of my life. I am not really a control freak but I do like to be organised so that I feel I can minimise stress by being prepared. I see now that I need to be prepared to give God all the details of my life.

Something else that really spoke to me is struggling with life is struggling against God. I find this hugely powerful as when Daniel was born I was expecting a healthy baby, all the scans seemed to point to this. Reality hit, within the first hour. Gradually over time it appeared that Daniel had more and more medical concerns and reasons for us as parents to be troubled with his various medical conditions. I can remember feeling so outraged with God for giving us all these huge concerns for Daniel that I took my feelings out on my pillow and punched my anger away. I realise now it was my struggle with God’s sovereignty over my life. I kept telling him he had made a mistake and I wasn’t going to thank him for ruining three lives. Looking back, that was a turning point when I realised that being Daniel’s Mum is God’s will for my life. This is not an easy path to walk but again and again God has revealed his compassion and love often through people.

Thank you to everyone who prays for us as a family because it makes a huge difference.