Today

I am now 32 weeks pregant with only 8 more to go!! This morning I had to be at St John's for a blood test at 9 am. That wouldn't have been too bad if I hadn't had to fast for 12 hours beforehand... I then had to drink a syrupy glucose drink and have my blood taken 2 hours later which meant that I was in the blood department for 2.5 hours (what a waste of a glorious sunny morning, but then so would work have been!) I then did a bit of consultant spotting (and recognised at least 3 from when we visited with Daniel). On days like today it doesn't feel right even doing something mundane without him as I automatically associate him with St Johns.

I am due to see a Consultant on Wednesday (the same one that carried out my Amnio) to discuss my blood test results. I haven't exactly responded well to this latest development because, well, I can't quite define it but it's a bit scary. I'm thankful that I haven't got long to wait but part of me is not going to settle down until I know what needs to happen (if anything). I could well be overreacting.

When I went to Church last night I must have looked like a crazed woman as I was downing soft drinks as if I was trying to beat the world record. I probably looked a real sight to behold and then drove like a maniac to ensure I could eat something before my 9 pm curfew!

After my blood tests today I didn't go into work although I was going to it was just that I felt so weak afterwards that I thought driving to Witham would hardly be in anyone's best interests. I felt decidedly wobbly and weak. Although I feel rested now after eating for two adults in 2 hours... I need to finish my job in 8 days before going on maternity leave. It all feels rather weird. Part of me finds it hard to accept that in the past year I have taken on a new job as well as the countdown to being a new Mum again. These are huge adjustments. Daniel is never very far away, always beneath the service, but ultimately I get enormous comfort from knowing where he is playing.

Another 4 weeks!!

Somehow, I've allowed another 4 weeks to pass by without blogging. Not intentional, I just seem to be submerged in life... Since I last blogged, we have been to see Lenny Henry, Lee Hurst and Colin Dexter, and I have gone to 4 ante-natal exercise classes. We have also managed to indulge in our last "pre-Beanie" holiday. We had a lovely quiet week in France but I was very tired. One day all I could manage was to go out for a cake! Well, I suppose that if that didn't motivate me then nothing was going to. We had a lovely week where the weather was extremely mild. Both of us chilled out and ate out every night (I put on 7 lbs in 7 days)...

I have also aged another year and cannot believe that this time last year I was on my sabbatical without a job to go to. Amazing what a difference a year can make.

I go on maternity leave in 4 weeks!! Immediately after Easter. So being the structured person I am, will have been with my employer's a year to the day that I go on maternity leave (how's that for neatness...) As I am growing nicely, sometimes fitting behind the steering wheel is a challenge, and being tired I know that I shall enjoy my time out.

I am beginning to panic now about when Beanie arrives with only 10 weeks to go. I think for such a long time, we took things at a steady pace but now can't leave things any longer before getting prepared. We are going to spruce up what was Daniel's room. It is very hard at times even though we know that we have got a positive future to look forward to. It is a strange kind of feeling really. The second anniversary of Daniel's death is coming up at the beginning of May. In some ways, it hardly seems possible and feels a long way off, in terms of feelings, they may be dormant but they are still there. Hard to describe really. It feels kind of weird that Daniel is going to have a new little brother or sister but they will never meet on this earth.

Kevin and I have decided on names and have so far changed our mind three times... We never did that with Daniel. Despite all the chaos surrounding his birth it was quite a comfort to be able to do one thing as planned.

Anyway, that's it for now, will blog before my maternity leave ends, honest!

:-)