Tears

I have had a blistering week and managed to shed many tears. I have thought of hiring myself out as a water feature (probably popular in Australia/New Zealand ) right now.

Last weekend we went to a wedding reception and I was doing really well until we got to an emotional speech when I just lost it... The Bride and Groom have a little boy, who will be celebrating his second birthday this week. I have had to to go to St John's this week and decided to pop in to see the Community Nurses whilst I was there. No tears - bonus points! I even bumped into Daniel's Consultant and had a good chat. Lots of smiles all round and I felt smug that my watery eyeballs were having a day off. They are considering getting Doppler blood pressure monitor with the funds that were collected in Daniel's memory. That is such an appropriate choice given Daniel's blood pressure problems.
Work, well, yet more tears. I cannot go into details other than to say I might appear to have had my feet under the table, however, it was just an illusion. I feel really disheartened that I am unable to move onto a new life workwise. I have been temping on and off a month after Daniel died and it is a very harsh existence. However, I thought that it would ease me back into the world of work gently and give me some spending money (well, it is an expensive time of the year). It hasn't worked out like that even though I always get good feedback from wherever I temp. I have applied for permanent positions without success either. I still look each week. I do not feel defined by what I do (or currently don't do). It is more about finding something that I can do that keeps me occupied and pays fairly. I just wanted to rebuild my life again. Really struggling with this despite knowing that no experience is wasted. Whilst I am trusting God with this the daily struggle and motivation to keep going is monumental. I just know that He is there. I can remmeber being given the following verse at Daniel's memorial service:

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34 v 18