What next?

Do you ever think about why you are in a situation and cannot see how you are going to move on from it? That’s where I am at, right now. Yesterday, temping, I shut myself in the filing vault (yes, it’s humanly possible!!) as a member of staff returned from maternity leave showing all the baby photos. I was never able to do that and sometimes it is hard to accept God’s sovereignty in my life. Kevin and I will never have any more children so Daniel was all that we had. Pat’s comments on Psalm 121 are so true, if you see a mountain, remember who made them… This does help as God can guide us around the mountain or over it if we just ask him. He doesn’t let us “soldier on” without reassuring us but we just need to trust him.

One verse that I keep coming back to is 1 Corinthians 9 – 10:

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him but God has revealed it to us by his spirit.”

At the moment I may feel rooted in my grief where everyone around me appears to move on, but God hasn’t forgotten me or just left me there. I weep waterfalls of tears for the loss of my Son, but God hasn’t written me off because I am so broken. During this time, I believe he is preparing me for his purpose which he will reveal to me and irrespective of my wretchedness he still uses me. I choose to trust in the Lord no matter what else happens and I know that no harm can come to me.