A week in the life of brayworld...

I cannot believe that a whole week has gone past since the last time I blogged. Where does all that time go?

Not only have I been busy at work, covering more than one person's job, I have been busy every night. I am not really trying to burn the candle at both ends, but there have been a number of different things that I have needed to do. I am still writing correspondence relating to Daniel. I find this difficult as you can't help but be reminded of the last time he was alive. Still, it is a weight lifted from me now that it's done.

I went to see a friend on Friday who was present at Daniel's birth. It's a long story but suffice to say Kevin wasn't around until the very last moment. Whilst I was visiting her on Friday she took a call to say that she had a brand new Grandson born about an hour before my arrival. Another emotional moment shared. How my heart ached. I feel joy for her and her family but this intense sadness that my little boy is now playing in heaven rather than having playmates on earth. When I went into a card shop to buy a suitable card, I could feel the tears coursing down my face, I no longer feel embarassed about this level of emotion publically. When Daniel was alive I used to think that if anyone felt that they could look after him better than they could show me how it is done. I feel similarly in grief. Making a quick exit out of the shop I bumped into someone that used to visit professionally but they are no longer working. I hadn't really seen them but they wanted to chat to me and I was touched by their level of concern. This very simple act restored my strength and pointed out to me that no matter how busy I am, I am never really too busy to stop. Just a fraction of time may make a considerable impact on someone else.

Finally today, my family went out for lunch. There was 9 of us there. The last time we met up for a meal was on the day of Daniel's service. Although it was a lovely time, at the back of my mind, I kept thinking of a little boy who would have revelled in all the attention, taking centre stage. There came a point when someone mentioned him, which was ok, but it was the tributes that I couldn't handle. I just had to change the subject. Whilst on the outside I may smile and look as if everything is ok, it is a very different story on the inside. We are trying to get on with life but it is the very things that are the most painful which move us on the most. I feel that this is so true of my Christian life too. Sometimes, it would be very easy to give in and not do anything as the mountain of pain is too high to scale, however, to make progress I know that God will give me the courage and strength to climb mountains until I can look down and see the view from the top. At the moment, I have a sense of achievement that I have been able to reach the top (with a lot of help...) but know that the gruelling journey of grief will be a long one. Thank you to each of you who have helped support me on the way. xx