Lots going on...

I have had a busy week, probably no more so than most people but I seem to get so emotionally drained doing normal stuff. I am still struggling to get a decent night sleep and both Kevin and I woke up at 6:30 a.m on Saturday morning. I think I am going to get Jonathan to programme my sleeping clock... I was thrilled as on Saturday, we received details of the little girl that we will be sponsoring Ana. She is a 4 year old Phillipino girl. When I was Daniel's Mum, it is something that I wanted to do, to show him how other children lived and so that they would be able to share experiences. Whilst things have changed, having the opportunity to play even a very small, remote part in another child's life feels like a huge privilege. It feels great to be able to positively influence someone else's future.

Sunday was spent rushing around. I went to Norfolk to visit my family and came back to church in the evening for a rest! Mike's sermon was inspirational and he has a wonderful vision for our church. If you missed it, the tape is a must. I was really challenged about God's dream for each of us. If you have never experienced grief, it is like a wet blanket dulling your senses and being a huge ever present shadow HOWEVER God can and still does reach me! I am praying for an openness for God to guide me to where he wants me to be. Right now, I cannot remember much before life with Daniel, just life during and after his lifetime. By being open to God irrespective of whether I can feel anything or not, I am trusting God with all that I am, entrusting my future to him. This is not some kind of feeble, "suppose you had better had your way, then" but an active surrendering to what God wants for my life. Just typing this, I feel shaky as I have no idea where this will lead. Back to trust and faith. Tonight I have a picture of God taking my hand in his, in the picture, I am a small child. He is leading me by the hand and tenderly pointing things out to me on a journey where all I ask him is why. I am being a typical child, "But, WHY, is the sky blue?" God shows me infinite tenderness and patience. I need to learn not to run off into an adventure of my own but be receptive to all that he wants to teach me.