Letting go
Today it is 3 months since Daniel's death. When Daniel was alive I counted over 15 health care professionals who made up "Team Daniel" this is in addition to the nursing staff who cared for Daniel at Great Ormond Street, St Johns and also Little Haven Hospice. Today I had to say goodbye to a nurse that I got on really well with and that is another sense of loss. Given the intensity of the experiences shared and the frequency (!) of our visits you cannot help but have a deeper relationship with someone. There were many times when I spent more time with nurses than I did with friends and God was good by putting around me people who I could relate to. These nurses knew and understood me, guided me and encouraged me how to live life to the full irrespective of all the difficulties that we faced as a family. This was all part of "normal life" with Daniel, which is completely unnusual for others. Most of all the nurses knew how to relate to me and their reassuring presence helped me view our situation as normal for us. I am now facing the outside world, no longer part of a small team, but feeling disorientated about how to live life in the real world. It feels as though I have been away for the past 2 years and coming back to reality, as everyone else knows it, means that I have to relearn how to do things. In a way, I feel that I am learning to walk all over again. I need to hold myself up against things so that I do not fall until I feel sufficiently balanced (!!) I do feel blessed that I have a number of friends who are willing me on and give me strength to keep toddling until I can keep in step with the general pace of everyone else. The hardest thing to do is take the first steps and often they are more daunting to prepare for than actually do. I am reminded of Footprints where, at the very darkest and difficult times, there is only one set on the sand - God's. He never gets tired of carrying us. A chorus comes to mind:
By the grace of God we will carry on, his love endures forever...
posted by SarahB @ 11:55 PM
4 Comments:
Hi
Thanks for your kind comments on my new Blog. Not sure how it will develop - after all I can't keep losing weight and running faster and longer for ever!
Once I've worked out how, I will hopefully put a link to your Blog and other church members on mine - it's good to have a network of Eliminites on line.
Lots of blessings
David
Aren't dates hard? Strange to think that one day should be so very different to another, but they are days of significance, and 3 months is just as tough as 3 days or 3 weeks
It's also comforting to know that When Christ came to earth, it was so that he could experience the reality of being part of us, sharing our deepest emotions, and "being there". I guess he knew the pain of grief and loss, as we read very little about his earthly father being around much after Jesus was 12.
And he took time out to grieve with Martha and Mary, too...
Christ knows you both intimately, and knows how to respond too all you are, all you think, and to all you do. And you are right to remember that it is by His grace that we do anything at all, but especially when we have to remember to re-learn how to walk, and to put one foot in front of another, and especially at the time when to do so seems somehow pointless, let alone wobbly and hard...
God wil graciously put into your path however many "bits of furniture" or "walls" for you to hang onto while you re-learn walking.
Sleep well tonight
Interesting that you refer to the circle of professional support around Daniel as 'Team Daniel'.
Now that things have changed, do not be afraid to think in terms of 'Team Sarah'. There are those both inside and outside of the church who have a natural urge to close ranks around the vulnerable, just like those friends you decribe.
I am glad you mentioned you are blessed. Whatever our situations we are blessed because we know Him. Amen.
Post a Comment
<< Home