I’m back…

I was getting really worried as my blog seemed to have crashed  and I couldn’t do anything about it but then I had a brainwave and look what happened!!

The week following Daniel’s thanksgiving service and funeral has been understandably difficult for us but thank you to everyone who has prayed for us as many times I have felt the depth of God’s peace and love. I have had a busy week but am finding that grieving makes me tired. So I tend to do whatever I can when I have a burst of energy.

I have decided that I need to work apart from paying some of the bills it gives me something to focus on and helps me get back into the workplace. I gave up work when I had Daniel. This was something that I resented initially but am now so glad that I gave Daniel all that I had. Anyway, I am going for an interview on Wednesday, 25th May at 12:30 p.m. This is for a temporary job (4 months maternity cover) as a Human Resources Administrator for a Chelmsford company. Whilst I can do everything that it asks for, an interview will be an unnerving experience particularly when I have to explain why I am looking for a job now. I thank God for this opportunity and trust Him to provide the right job for me.

Pre-Daniel I was organised and structured (means you can stay in your comfort zone for longer…) Now because I am so empty through the loss of Daniel I know that God can fill this gap and that this may mean, horror of horrors that I need to reconsider my career. I am asking God for his guidance but know that he wants the best for me. It really is time for me to say, this is it, a time when I have a blank piece of paper in front of me, what do you want me to write on it, Lord? How scary is that ??!!

I went to church at the 1st morning and evening service. The song, “How great is my God” was played. I nattered over the coffee period and heard it again so that was 3 times in one day and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I truly believe that God is great and that even though my grief is deep and hugely painful, despite any numbness I have, God can still touch me tenderly. I am experiencing a closeness to Him that previously did not exist. Tonight it was a stonking good service waiting on the Holy Spirit. I kept thinking of the Comforter and thinking how much comfort I am so lucky to receive.

My faith is stronger since having been Daniel’s Mum and whilst losing a child plummets you to depths that are truly unimaginable, his presence in my life was like the most beautiful flower. This flower was so unique that nobody knew how long the flowering season was for or how beautiful the scent. The flower got bigger and more beautiful but one day the wind blew away all the petals and the flower was no more. The petals were scattered in the wind and went far and wide. Many people saw them flickering in the wind and admired the beauty and uniqueness of this individual bloom knowing that the petals would only touch them briefly before being blown away. People were sad that the petals had gone but pleased that they had fallen on them even for such a short time.