It’s a blur

I am writing this at 4:00 a.m. on Monday morning amazed that the last few days have all blended into one. It has been a hugely eventful time. Thank you for all your prayers, I can tell you that both Kevin and I have felt God’s peace at a time when we didn’t feel that we could feel anything.

We went to church on Sunday morning and were truly blessed by the service, music and love that was lavished upon us.

To say that the last few days has been difficult is an enormous understatement. We have had to make arrangements to say our final goodbye to Daniel. Whilst Friday will be incredibly emotional at both the crematorium and thanksgiving services it will be after that when we will struggle to continue with life.

Daniel was our life. We had to do so much for him that this intensity of need has been replaced with a yawning emptiness. To help us come to terms with our loss there will be times when we will want to share with you our memories of Daniel. Never be afraid to talk to us about him – it will help to keep his memory alive. If you have children please talk to us about them as you would have done before, we want to enjoy them with you.

Kevin is thinking about returning to work this week just to ease himself in gently. I will find this difficult as there will be no structure to my life and I will be at home without a role. I have already been thinking that I need to take on temporary work. I used to have a strong work ethic and whilst I do not intend to lose myself in work, I feel that I need to rediscover who I am.

Last Sunday at church when we had the visiting preacher from New Zealand I went forward for prayer. I asked that God would take me out of the rut that I was in and that he would use me dynamically. These were 2 of the 5 points that he made during the service. Within 36 hours later Daniel was dead.

I know that no experience is wasted even though I may not appreciate what God is trying to tell me. I just ask that God would reveal to me his purpose for me now. I suspect that this will be an ongoing process.

In the midst of our loss, Kevin and I are able to laugh. This may appear odd to you. We both have a black sense of humour and during Daniel’s life when things were bleak it was a way of us getting through until we reached calmer waters. We enjoyed Daniel and he blessed us with the depth of his love. His life is a blessing.