An empty life

Well, today I had my first interview in 5 years. I can honestly say that I felt sick with nerves. Whilst I am not at my best at the moment, I was able to focus on work achievements. I feel it is so difficult to establish how I did so I will have to wait until the end of the week when I will hear. Who likes waiting? I also felt in a bit of a dilemma about should I mention Daniel or not? There wasn’t any suitable opportunity so I opted not to say anything at this stage. It feels so alien looking for work under these circumstances. I did feel pleased that I had at least made the attempt to try to get on with things. In fact, since Daniel’s death I seem to be equally as busy and really don’t know how I will fit work in.

I met up with my Mum yesterday who made a very perceptive comment. She said that on the outside I may appear bubbly but inside I am very sad. That is so true. We went to Freeport yesterday, the last time we went was with Daniel. We took him on a coin operated ride – Bob the Builder. It was so very painful that this ride mirrors our lives, empty without Daniel. Whilst we replayed this very happy memory we both ached with our loss. I also took Mum to the Fox and Raven for lunch. Again the last time, I went was with Daniel. It has been helpful to do these things.

Today I have been given this verse from Isaiah 61 v 3

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion –
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.”

God knows his stuff…