Under construction

Apologies for the state of the blog page but it is due a revamp and there are currently time and skill gaps which I shall work on... Any helpful hints re formatting the blog page would save a lot of stress... I know that I have to edit my Html but not sure how to play around with this - sad, eh!

Our "old" computer didn't allow many things given it's antiquity and I fully expect to invite others into my house to see a fully working museum piece!! I had hoped that when I got my new laptop that all I would have to do is just press a button and hay presto! I am obviously far too niaive!!

Normal service will be resumed in the near future... It is driving me absolutely barmy (sshh people will notice!) as I cannot access my links so watch this space as this blogspot will be a work in progress.

Sabbatical

Since the beginning of the year temp works seems to be a bit thin on the ground so I am taking the opportunity for time out. Lucky me! There are very few times that you can actually do this without having other pressures. I have been asked how long that this is likely to last, and my response would be for as long as it lasts. In an ideal world, I would like to be working by the 1st week in March. I will then have had 2 months away from working which will have given me chance to catch up on my sleep... I believe that I was born to hibernate. I am dreadful at getting up and so it has been really hard to tear myself away from my bed in this perishingly cold weather.

Well, I am pleased that I have managed to be shortlisted for another job. The interview is not until the 8th February but it is going to be pretty full on... It will start with a panel interview in Loughton at 10:00 a.m. followed by a short visit of the offices (apparently this in total lasts an hour and a half). I then get back to Chelmsford where I have to undertake 5 (yes 5!!) assessments and I have to allow up to 2 hours for this. Oh well, it is bound to be an experience of sorts. No experience is ever wasted - mmmmm. I have already spoken to one of my interviewers who rang me earlier to find out more information to establish whether I would be suitable for shortlisting. In that moment, I had to explain certain things and did alert him to the fact that my career path has taken a more unnusual turn due to a close family bereavement. I am pretty chuffed that I have been shortlisted even with one of the interviewers knowing this. Even if I do not get the job, this will be good (more helpful!) interview experience. Just as well I am not going to be President of ICI!!

I have had a busy day talking to people all day. This morning I went to the Ladies Meeting at church which is really well attended. I love having the chance to natter with people that I don't catch up with when I am working. I then did the Job Centre and that only took about 30 seconds fortunately. I had a lovely lunch in Chelmsford with a couple of friends and then this evening I went to my Lifegroup where I did some more chattering. I did do some listening too, honest.

I cannot believe that it is nearly February already. We will be going to Rome at the end of the month for a few days so it is not long now. Kevin and I are also booking holidays for the rest of the year. These are the only plans that I can make until I know what is happening with the work front. Still, it is lovely to be able to have things to look forward to
and I know that we are lucky having these opportunities.

The right words..

Do you ever find that when you want to say something meaningful you just cannot find the words that convey what you want to say? Well, I know that I'm not short of words (!!) but at yesterday's service for Neil my vocabulary totally deserted me... I only really got to know Neil from blogging but his gentleness was evident to all revealed in his blogs. Neil always found helpful words to me irrespective of what he was facing and his encouragement often sustained me through the darkest of times. He inspired me greatly and whilst we knew that we were following different paths on earth we took the time out to cheer one another on. That was so precious. Neil's health gave him insight, wisdom and tenderness which blessed me many times and gave me strength. I have spent time lately going through the many emails and comments that used to fly between computers and have been blessed again. Neil's words offered to comfort me on the loss of Daniel are again a real comfort. I would like to share one of his comments when he had just learnt that Daniel died.

"He is now free of the painful times and with his Heavenly Father." He then goes on to say that,
" I know that you will go through this process (of loss) knowing that God is close even when you might not understand the why."

Neil was right. God bless him.

It's all go...

On Friday I went to London to meet a friend. We had a fantastic time visiting the Museum of London at St Pauls. Then left to my own devices a little later on I decided to be a real tourist crossing the Millennium Bridge and back again and going to St Paul's Cathedral. As it was such a fabulous afternoon I decided in a moment of madness to climb all 530 steps to the top vantage point of the Cathedral - the Golden Gallery. This was a real workout!! But the view was breathtaking and I really enjoyed the feeling of serenity from this lofty perspective. I really needed a big sit down to recover so sat listening to the 30 strong choir. This preceded the evensong service to which I decided to stay. The service was hard to follow as it was in Latin!! Nonetheless, it felt majestic and was a peaceful setting. Suitably refreshed I went to Oxford Street to buy a 40th birthday present and bumped into Dale Winton in Selfridges. Alas, he didn't recognise me...

Yesterday, we also did something that we haven't done for a long while. We had people over in the evening. Neither of us could remember the last time that we had done something like this. We had a great evening playing the 80's edition of Trivial Pursuits.

I went to church this morning at the first service and was really blessed by the sermon. I found it very moving and challenging. It centred on Joshua 1 and the key verse was verse 9:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go". Excellent encouragement during this time.

We then went out for a friend's 40th birthday to an exclusive listed Hotel for a 3 course meal. I now need to run up all the 530 steps about 4 times to burn off the calories...

Prayer please!!

Calling all regular Bloggers... Just a quick blog to ask for your prayer in a hugely difficult situation. I saw Anna this evening and she has asked that as many people as possible pray for her family so doesn't mind me going public. In addition to the loss of Neil, Anna's Dad was taken into hospital yesterday (Thursday) in Yorkshire. He also has kidney cancer which is the same that Neil had. Given his health Anna's Dad is unable to make the celebration service on Monday and neither will Anna's Mum. At times like this it is hard to know the right thing to say but I am reminded of something that Neil emailed me shortly after losing Daniel "Our faith is that God is in control and works for the good of humanity whom He loves so very dearly."

Amen!

We'll meet again...

I have found it really difficult to blog since I heard the news that Neil, a fellow Blogger and Member of our Church died on Saturday following an ongoing battle with Cancer. At only 43, it is painful to realise that he can no longer be with us and share the future with his wife and two sons who will feel this the most. I have been thinking about the wartime song which says: "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when..." Whilst I don't know when, I believe that I will meet up with Neil in Heaven. His strong Christian faith inspired many and reassures me that I know exactly where he is. This is of immense comfort. Whilst Neil had many battles to face he always knew the destination of his final journey and his faith was unwavering.

Irrespective of what was happening to Neil he was able to sing choruses which would be challenging to anyone going through a tough time let alone facing significant health concerns. I was thrilled that he played the guitar and sung along to "How great Thou art" and "Our God is a great big God" at the celebration of Daniel's life less than 9 months ago. Seeing him on the stage that day, helped me deal with Daniel's loss. Whilst I will miss him, how he reached out to others irrespective of his health, along with his gentleness and encouragement, his faith is an ongoing source of inspiration to me.

One of the things I miss most about Daniel is cuddling him. My arms ache with emptiness sometimes but I now have an image of Neil cuddling Daniel in Heaven together and it makes me smile.

What a day!

It's been a bit of a day ... I was delighted that I was able to return my hearing aid without any trouble today. I was at my most assertive :-) but am thrilled that this went without any hitches.

When I got back home the Benefits Agency phoned me about the problems with my claim. Let's just say that it is all complicated and surprisingly my circumstances don't fit the system well... Your papers mysteriously vanish into the black hole of the "too difficult to deal with" pile. NB - I am referring to my circumstances rather than my manner!! I was told that it can take months to resolve my claim but I was very fortunate as the person who was dealing with my claim was very understanding and although she said that it was a lot of work she would resolve issues on Monday for me. Half an hour later she told me that she had worked on it today and all I need to do is bring paperwork into the Job Centre on Monday. I am going to get at least 4 weeks benefit backdated some time next week - yipee! This was becoming a bit of an issue.

Now, about the job. It's a no. I had a phone call this afternoon and I will be contacted next week with details about why my application proved unsuccessful. Am I bovvered? Well, disappointed that I didn't wow the interviewers with my sparkling personality (!!) and natural modesty... I just feel relieved in a way. So whilst I have a couple of "irons in the fire" I have nothing else to work towards just yet. I just need to use this time wisely.

I have threatened to do some decorating at home and as ever I need to do some research on my chocoholic story. Mmmmm......

Pardon?!!

Well, today has been a bit difficult for no other reason than it is taking me a long time to adjust to our new life. It really seems odd being around during the day. I went to the Ladies Meeting at church, followed by my favourite place, the Job Centre. At the moment despite being owed 4 weeks benefit there seems to be a bit of a hiccup because I have been temping - wot no cash :-(

Tomorrow, I am going to have to get rid of my all singing, all dancing top of the range hearing aid as it is giving me problems... The final straw was when I was sitting down to complete an application form and I kept getting feedback when I used dial up on the computer. I also am getting continous ear infections which go when I wear my NHS one and return when I wear my private one. It really pains me to say it but my NHS digital one suits me better. All being well, I will get the absolute King's Ransom that I paid for it back - which will be nice. However, I am really disappointed that I cannot continue to use it as the NHS ones are not discreet. I feel that this is a bit of a backward step so boo, hiss, back to the ear trumpet now... No matter what anyone says, I know that I wear it and have done for the past 15 or so years. Apparently, when you reach your forties (help...) your hearing deteriorates further along with everything else!!

The Interview

Well, you get the picture!! I had my interview at 10:00 a.m this morning and any preparation I had for it went straight out of the window.

You'll be pleased to know that I was able to buy a new suit so I looked the part. My other one was not suitable following a bit of overindulgence during the Christmas Period. I couldn't bear the thought of not sitting down all interview, trust me, I know my limitations or having a wardrobe misfunction of sorts...

I was interviewed by a panel of 3 and did find it incredibly daunting. You would never believe that I have interviewed hundreds of people as I found it difficult to talk. I know what you are thinking - a rarity! The interview only lasted 30 mins so it is hard to establish how it went. I know I can do the work it is just I'm not sure that I was able to let the interviewers' know that so we'll see. Finally, I had a 30 minute test, one of which was an in-tray test and 2 exercises to test my ability on the computer. I found this to be challenging even though under different circumstances it would have proved easy for me.

I will hear some time on Friday afternoon so I haven't got long to wait. The panel are interviewing all day today, tomorrow and some of Friday. I think that I was the first candidate.

One of the things that I was dreading was explaining my career aspirations i.e. why this job, at this time but I was never asked this. I was thankful that I did not have to mention Daniel even indirectly.

Thanks for your encouragement, prayers and support. I am finding job hunting harder than I thought but I know that the Lord has a plan for me.

Pastures New

I didn't know it but today has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster... After 2 hours sleep, I went along with a friend to the New Farleigh Hospice building now sited in Broomfield, before it opens its doors to patients on Tuesday. Some of you may already know that before I had Daniel I used to work for Farleigh as the Volunteer Co-ordinator, responsible for the 700 or so volunteers. My friend and I were keen to see the facilities and we spent about an hour and a half there this morning which included a tour and presentation.

Got off to a bit of a tricky start when I caught up with a former colleague who was leading the tour. Unfortunately, my news hasn't reached the deepest recesses in Farleigh so I had to sidestep the question about being a full-time Mum these days. This caught me off balance and him even more so! The new hospice is fantastic with plenty of space to improve the service given to patients. One of the great things now is that there is sufficient space for relatives to be able to stay in comfort(!) which was always difficult at the premises in New London Road. Seeing this room, disturbed emotions which I hoped wouldn't surface because it reminded me of all the times Kevin and I used to spend at Daniel's bedside. Hard images to shift.

I also saw what would have been my office and had to let it go. This now belongs to someone else that I recruited(!)but it is hard to retain an emotional distance from something that I invested so much of myself in. Working in a hospice has had a profound impact on me as I was able to see first hand the difference that Hospice care can make so I remain a confirmed supporter of the cause. Farleigh prepared me for some of the challenges that we had to face as a family and also gave me the courage to take advantage of the facilities at Little Haven Children's Hospice.

At the end of the tour, I saw a Volunteer who asked me in a very loud voice (probably could be heard the four miles away at the old Farleigh site!!) how my family is. Er, answer, Sarah has exited the building in record time!!

Later on Kevin took me shopping to Lakeside to cheer me up and continuing my melancholic outlook I only bought wrinkle cream and a skipping rope that counts calories. What a wasted opportunity...

I am going for a job interview on Wednesday and am having the usual clothing crisis. Oh why oh why, couldn't you have given me 6 months notice so that I could have lost weight to wear one of my suits. Perhaps, I'd best skip everywhere instead of walk...

January...

Well, it is the beginning of the year and already Cadbury's Cream Eggs are in the shops. We found them even before the New Year had started...

We have booked a holiday to.... France - quel surprise! We are going in March so we have something good to look forward to. Pity Kevin as he will be driving although Tim will be supervising the route.

I am currently in between jobs and have decided that although I will continue temping when an assignment comes along I will now concentrate upon looking for permanent work as I feel thqt it is high time that I get "into" something again. I have completed a couple of application forms in the last week and it takes me approximately 3 hours a time!! Loads of concentration.

My writing course starts back up on Tuesday for 5 weeks. If I am not working it may give me the opportunity to give more to it as sometimes all I wanted to do was sleep after a day's work.

Today I was attempting to multi-task by cooking the dinner as well as talk on the phone. Well I looked down to the grill area and could see flames shooting out of the grill as the sausage fat had ignited. I hastily made my excuses on the phone and tackled my mini blaze without setting off the smoke alarm!!

Despite not working this week, time is passing quickly as I am trying to undertake a number of projects. We have a new laptop and I am organising all our photos trying to get to grips with the software. Is it me or does anyone else feel left behind? I have discovered that you can have a slide show of your photos using your TV equipment.

Tomorrow, I am going blonde (sounds like I have already with my heroics today), going to the Job Centre and seeing a Recruitment Consultant. I know how to live.

It's all go...

Prayer Request

A friend of mine, Daryl, who was diagnosed with stomach cancer last year needs further prayer. Although he has had all his stomach removed last year and is making a good recovery he has recently found a lump on his ribs. He is understanably concerned about this.

We would be hugely grateful if you could remember him in your prayers.

Thanks

A good start...

Well, this morning both Kevin and I were impressed with our ability to get up and be at the 9:15 a.m Church Service before it began. This is so out of character for us. For those of you who don't know, one of Kevin's many qualities is his ability to awaken me for church whereas I could cheerfully sleep until mid-afternoon. It was great to hear a sermon on how This is the Year that the Lord has made by Mike - a cracker and one that really sets the tone for the coming year. The worship was also rocking. For us it had an added dimension, what the song "How Great Thou Art" means to both Kevin and I. It was played at both Daniel's services back in May. Today was the first time that we had sung it together since, a bit of an emotional moment.

We then went to Bromley and went out for a meal with Kevin's Mum. I hadn't planned to diet this year (dieting is a forbidden word) but would be reviewing my eating habits... I ended the meal having been tempted away from the wholesome and nutritious offerings by a waffle with chocolate, strawberries and ice-cream. Now before you tut at me loudly for having no will-power, I was doing some research for my latest writing effort. T'is true! I need to write about a Chocoholic so I just wanted to experience the whole chocolate thing. If any of you have any thoughts on chocolate that you would like to share this would be much appreciated. I am continuing my research...

Happy New Year

We all know that 2005 has not been our year so to speak. However, I was thinking about some of the blessings that have taken place over the past year and began to think of the blogging circuit. This has had a significant impact on our lives, the encouragement, support and laughs have really helped us come to terms with our lives as they are now. It has been wonderful to acquire new friends in this way and thank you for sharing a part of yourself. Thanks to each and every blogger for your support and for everyone who has reached out to us this past year. It has made a difference to us. May God bless you all and enrich you this coming year.

Whilst it has been difficult taking stock of 2005 I know that I have hope and a future with Jesus and this has proven to be of enormous comfort. My future is in His hands.